Direction to Perfection
by KirstyJayne
Summary: Ryan feels alienated from everybody else, and like he doesn't fit in. He badly wants to be accepted by everybody, but to what lengths will he go? Rated T for slight language etc. Main pairings: Ryelsi, Ryan/OC. I do not own HSM at all..
1. Chapter 1

Sharpay strides over to me bursting with confidence, her blonde curls bouncing in time to her steps. I mentally note that when she removes her sunglasses, her brown eyes are full of venom, probably over some minor thing I've apparently done to anger her.

"Ryan!" she shrieks at me, not caring about the presence of other kids in this corridor. "That's it!" I stare blankly at Sharpay as she begins a long lecture about the start of the new semester, or something along those lines. I manage to give the occasional sigh or murmur when it matters, but my mind's elsewhere. I let my blue eyes travel to the basketball team at the other end of the corridor, watching them discuss their tactics and training.

"Ryan!" Sharpay's voice cut through my train of thoughts. "Are you even listening to me?" She smoothes down her hair, glaring at me, waiting for my response.

"Y-yeah, sure I am," a smile hints at my lips for a second. "Could you run it by me one more time? I just missed a couple of points, is all." I re-adjust my hat nervously, and avoid my sister's eyes.

"You're hopeless, Ryan! Ogling the jocks," she scoffs, her voice ridden with scorn. "Tell me, why do I even bother with you?"

"Sharpay –"I sigh, but she immediately cuts me off.

"Don't waste my time," she snaps. "I'm out of here." Tossing her mane of curls behind her head, she flounces away, leaving me staring at her departing figure, like the spoilt brat she is. Of course, I care about Sharpay, she's my sister – my twin, to be precise – but I seriously cannot stand the way she treats me. I don't even understand how she managed to get so tight with Gabriella and everyone, all of a sudden. Last I knew, they hated each other. It should be me in her place; it should always have been me.

Snapping out of my stupor, I pretend to look at the bulletin boards in front of me, willing the threatening tears to go away. Who am I kidding? Maybe Sharpay is right…Angrily, I shake the offending thought away from my head, my eyes flickering slightly.

"Hey, Ryan," a voice from behind me says, and I automatically stiffen slightly, recognising the voice to belong to Gabriella. "Are you signing up for this semester's production?" The brunette gestures to the board before us. I gulp away the remaining tears in my eyes, regaining control of my emotions, regaining that control I so desperately need.

"The musical? Oh, erm…Sh-Sharpay already signed us up," I answer, stammering, my hands quivering somewhat from concentrating on getting my words out. "Oh, are you?" She nods, and with a small giggle, points to her own name on the list. I smile tautly, not knowing what to say next.

"Hey, do you want to hang out with us all after school today?" Gabriella asks and I immediately freeze up. "We're all going over Chad's to watch some movies, scoff down some junk, that kind of stuff. I – we – thought it might be nice for you to come along, too." I panic. Obviously, Sharpay will be going, and Gabi feels guilty about not including me. I laugh nervously, trying to think of what I can say. I can't go, I can't be around them when they don't want me to be there. I eventually decide to pretend I didn't notice Gabi's slip-up just now.

"I'm sorry, I've got a tonne of homework I need to do tonight," I look at the floor. "Maybe another time, Brie?" She opens her mouth to challenge my statement, but changes her mind instead.

"Yeah, some other time," she says brightly. "I gotta go now, though – I'm meeting Troy for lunch. See you around, Ry!" I watch her walk away with that spring in her step. That spring I want so badly. Sure, me and Gabriella are friends; she's probably the only one in that group that can tolerate being seen with me. But that's only when it suits her. She'd rather ditch me and go hang round with Sharpay, and Chad, and everybody. They're the perfect people…or they just act that way. Sharpay does, at least. I'm just tired of being their dog, their cast-off…Whatever people call it.

**A/N: I know a lot of people don't like this kind of stuff with Ryan getting hurt and stuff, but..yeah, you'll see where this is going...maybe. xD**


	2. Chapter 2

I try sneaking up to my room when I get home. I don't want to speak to anybody, I want to go to my own room. Just me and my favourite tunes. No chance of that happening, though. Mom hears the slam of the back door.

"Ducky!" she exclaims joyfully from the living room. "How was your day?"

"Fine, Mom," I'm lying through my teeth here, but I couldn't care less. "Just fine."

"Where's Sharpay?"

"Chad's. Movies. Oh, and she's been rehearsing her audition for the musical. She's determined to get the lead part."

"Oh, so we're going to see both of you as the stars of the show, for the _18th _time?"

"I don't know, Mom, I don't know. I want the lead part but…Sharpay is set on Troy getting it. Guess she just can't let some things go," I smile weakly, approaching the large staircase. "I'm gonna head up to my room now. I have a bit of a headache. Long day." Again, lying through my teeth. I have no idea if my mom can see through everything I'm saying to her.

"Okay, Ducky! Just make sure you're downstairs in time for your dinner!" She calls after me, my pounding footsteps on the stairs almost drowning out her speech. After reaching my bedroom, I gratefully flop down onto my bed, inhaling the fragrance of the fabric conditioner Mom uses. Blindly, I grope for a remote on my bedside table, pressing the 'on' and 'play' buttons when I find it, making one of my favourite songs blast out of my stereo. Smiling and closing my eyes, I begin to focus on the music and the music only. It makes me feel better to lose myself and cut myself off from reality.

It's only too soon before Sharpay comes home; the banging of the door brings me back to Earth, with an unwanted jolt. I sit up on my bed, listening, wondering what mood my sister is in. It's more likely to be in a good mood seeing as she was at Chad's with everybody, but I'm not taking any chances here. As her twin, it's almost like I automatically signed some kind of contract that allows myself to be the number one target for all of Sharpay's tongue-lashings and tantrums. I pause my stereo, my ears pricked.

"Yeah, the movie was pretty good, I'm just not into action movies as much as some of the others. It was more of a guy's movie…Well, Chad rented it, and Troy was into it. Of course, you'll see Troy in the musical…Starring alongside of moi!" Sharpay squeals excitedly. "Me and Gabriella _are_ best friends, don't get me wrong, Mom. You know I've wanted me and Troy to get the lead roles since, like, forever!"

"I didn't think Troy Bolton had been interested in theatre and musicals for very long?" Mom asks in an amused tone, and I suppress a snigger.

"Whatever, I have to keep rehearsing for my audition. It _has_ to be perfect. I _have_ to get the part, I just have to!"

"It will have to wait, honey, our dinner's ready. Could you go and get Ryan, please, Sharpay?"

"Okay," my sister clears her throat. "RYAN! DINNER!" She yells, obviously being too lazy to move from where she was standing, even if it means deafening everybody.

"A – I'm not a dog," I shout back downstairs. "B – I'm not hungry." I add. I can't really stand the thought of food right now. My mind keeps replaying these past few days; it makes me feel sick, and full of dread. I used to enjoy school, but now I don't want to go, even though I know I have to. I can't fake illnesses at all. Mom and Dad always see through them.

"Ryan," Mom knocks on my bedroom door and I grunt a 'yes' at her. "Are you feeling okay? Are you sick?" She rushes over to me, placing a cold hand on my forehead. I try – and fail – to wriggle away from her.

"No, I'm just not hungry."

"You went straight to your room and nobody's heard a peep out of you since. Ducky, what's going on? Talk to me."

"Nothing is going on," I sigh, feeling so bored. "I'll admit, there's some stuff going on at school that's getting me down, but I guess it'll be sorted out. I just had a big lunch today, Mom, I'm not hungry, that's all. Just stop fussing, please." While I love that there's one person in my life giving me attention, I feel completely humiliated that it's from my mom, and not any best friends. No teenage boy would feel like that. No normal teenage boy.

"I'm not fussing!" she says sternly. "Oh, you must eat something! This can't be healthy." I reach for my pillow behind me, put it in my lap, and bury my face into it.

"I fy mm. Doh owwy."

"What?" I lift my head up so I can speak clearly.

"I'm fine, Mom. Don't worry," I repeat myself. "Seriously. I'm feeling a little down right now but I'll cheer up." I immediately lower my head to my pillow again so Mom doesn't see the pink shade beginning to creep onto my cheeks. Again, lying to my mom. I hate doing it but I don't see another option at the moment. I don't know if I'll cheer up, or if this whole situation will be fixed. I'm relying on Gabriella to help me regain my place in the group, the place I wrongly lost.

My cell phone rings, and I motion for Mom to leave the room as she does so. Glancing at my phone, I notice it's Chad. I'm still on speaking terms with Chad because we'd been pretty tight, but it seems to be when it suits him. I brush that thought aside, and plant a smile on my face to make me sound naturally happier.

**A/N: I had to split this into 2 parts because it was so long, so where it ends here is really lame!! Sorry...**


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey, Chad, what's up?" I hate putting on this act, but what can I do? "How you doing?"

"Good, man. Hey…I was just wondering – _we_ were, sorry – where were you today after school?" Chad asks, and I ignore his slip-up and Gabriella's voice in the background.

"I didn't realise I didn't have to be invited by the man himself," I say flatly, and hoping I didn't come across as bitter and resentful as I truly feel. "I had homework to do, just like I told Gabi, okay?"

"We didn't see you at lunch either; what's up?"

"Nothing…I don't want to sound rude, but what's going on? I mean, you guys, you don't want to know me most of the time. So tell me what I've been doing wrong all this time, so I can try and fix it," I cringe inwardly at how desperate I sound.

"I-I don't know what, uh, what you're talking about, Ryan," he stammers uneasily. I sigh in exasperation.

"Of course. Mind if I speak to Gabriella?"

"Hey, Ryan!" Gabriella practically shouts into the phone as Chad passes it on to her. "You wanted to speak to me?"

"Yeah, I want to talk to you. By yourself, I mean. When can I see you?" I glance over to my doorway and see Sharpay hovering there, with a smirk on her face. "Sorry, I gotta go. I'll IM you later or something, yeah?" I gabble into the cell phone and hang up abruptly. "What do you want, Shar?" I bring myself to ask after a short pause.

"No no. It sounds like it's more like what do you want? And from who?" Even from my bed, I can see that Sharpay is desperately struggling to conceal a fit of laughter, let alone a smile. I rise to my feet.

"Wrong idea, Sharpay," I say triumphantly before veering away from the subject slightly. "How long were you standing there for?"

"Long enough," Sharpay informs me breezily, strolling into my room. "Why don't we IM Gabriella now?" She taps my laptop's keyboard to revive it from sleep mode, and seats herself down in front of my computer, blatantly ignoring my numerous protests.

"Get out of my room and use your own computer!" I command, pointing to my door to emphasise my point. Sharpay chuckles to herself.

"Like Gabriella would ever want to date somebody like _you_ anyway!" she scoffs. "She's Troy's girlfriend, remember?" Although she's an expert at showing no emotion, I still pick up on the slight hurt in her voice. While she loves Gabi as her best friend, I know it hurts her to hide her feelings for Troy.

"Shar…"I begin, but I don't really know what I'm supposed to say. "Sharpay…Look, sis-"

"Oh, shut up, Ryan!" she snarls and leaves my room, slamming the door as loud as she can. _Must be a new record_, I think to myself. There's no point going after Sharpay when she's like that – she'll just but my head off, yet again.

"At least life here is always eventful," I mutter to myself, sitting down on my bed again.


	4. Chapter 4

"Hey Ryan, we missed you yesterday!" I hear someone call when I walk into school. Yeah, right. I roll my eyes and carry on walking to my locker, my eyes focused on the locker.

"Ryan, are you ignoring us?" somebody else asks, and I reluctantly spin around on my heel to face them. They're all in this group – _mob_ – staring straight at me. Obviously, Troy and Gabriella are right at the front of the group. For a brief moment, I wonder where Sharpay is, but I should know better, of course. She'd rather try cementing the lead part in the production than see me and talk to me. Her own twin brother.

"_I'm_ ignoring _you_?" I ask in disbelief, my voice trembling as I try not to let my feelings get the better of me.

"Ryan," Gabriella tries placing a comforting hand on my shoulder, but I wriggle out of her grasp.

"No! Don't 'Ryan' me! Look, just…Just go and hang around with Sharpay, seeing as she's the perfect twin and I'm obviously not."

"Ry, come on, don't be stupid," Chad tries to calm me down, but I can't listen to reason. My feelings have just been building up over time and now they're too strong to contain and control.

"And now I'm stupid?" I glare at everybody. "Danforth, you were my friend, you know? What is going on around here?" I look him directly in the eye, to make sure he can see the hurt written on my face. I want to make them feel my pain. He looks down at the floor quickly, shuffling his feet uncomfortably. A red flare begins to show on his cheeks.

"What's brought all of this on? You want to know what's going on? You tell us, Ryan, you're not acting yourself. We want to help you, but we can't until _you tell us_," Gabriella asks softly, finally getting through to me. She sounds so sincere, genuinely concerned for me.

"When did Sharpay suddenly become your best friend? I mean, she's the queen bee of the school. It just kind of works out that since you guys started letting her hang around with you, I got pushed out. Spoken to less. I didn't even get invited to your places after school, not properly, you know?" I sigh deeply. "Just forget it. I – I sound like some kid in a playground. Forget it, okay?"

"That was never intentional," Troy speaks up. "Why else would we be speaking to you now, wondering why you didn't come to Chad's? Worrying about you?" Yes, send me on a guilt trip, thanks, Troy.

"Sharpay," I say quickly. "Sharpay obviously doesn't want me included. She only speaks to me to scream at me, you've seen that. You know what, Gabriella, sometimes you're the only one that seems to actually care…Sorry guys. Just leave it, yeah?" I walk away briskly, ignoring any objections that they might be calling after me. It could just be all in my head for all I know, and they're not shouting after me, wanting me to stop. I wipe away the faint trickle of tears that's appeared on my cheek.

I walk into the auditorium as if on auto-pilot. I'm almost shocked when I suddenly notice the stage and the rows of empty seats before me. Barely feeling my feet moving, I cross over the aisle to the black piano, and sit down on the stool. My fingers begin pushing the keys, conjuring up a sweet melody that carries throughout the whole room. I know I'm not in control of myself. Like with playing the piano, I'm doing things without realising it - without knowing it. I can't control my feelings and I can't hide them from the rest of the world. I'm not Sharpay, I'm nothing like my sister.

As much as I try to stop myself, Sharpay and Gabriella come into my head. My fingers drive the keys more forcefully, highlighting the mixed emotions I feel. The chords my fingers strike get louder and my brow furrows further as I think of how I feel about the group I long to be a part of. I'm sitting on the outside looking in, and it's cold and painful. I'm pathetic, I know I am. Thinking about them and sitting on the sidelines watching won't get me accepted into their in-group. Nothing will.

"That's beautiful, Ryan. Did you write that?" I hear a voice. I look over to see somebody walking down the aisle toward me. A smile flickers on my face for a nanosecond.

"It was just a little…uh," I stammer. "Never mind!" If I'm honest, I have no idea what I was just playing – I was too busy wrapped in my thoughts to hear it properly.

"You sound like you have something on your mind," she says carefully, touching my arm. "I like to play the piano when something's bothering me, too. It's pretty calming, right? You can just let all your feelings out through the melody. I love it." I nod dumbly, words escaping me.

"But, it's better to talk things out when you can. So…I've got time if you want to get it off your chest?"

"We should be at homeroom," I say, a serious tone to my voice. I just want to find any excuse not to talk about things. If I unscrew the bottle that's carefully cramming in my thoughts and feelings, I'm scared I'm going to lose it. I feel vulnerable, and I hate it. I don't want people to see me in this state, when I can be crushed effortlessly.

"Correction: _You_ should be," she grins playfully. "I'm allowed to – meant to, I guess – spend the day in here. Helping out with the musical, the songs. Did you know there's going to be a lot more student involvement this time?"

"Kels…" I mumble, ignoring the familiar lump in my throat. "You know I love you guys, don't you?" I manage to choke out.

"Of course. Why would you feel you have to ask me that?"

"How do you know?"

"I…I just do. You're a caring, special person. What's going on to make you say all of this? Ryan, this is getting weird. Scary. Please tell me what's going on?"

**A/N: Again, I split this chap up so where it ends here might seem a tad strange :)**


	5. Chapter 5

"I figure they told you what went on a little while ago. I didn't mean to yell at them, Kelsi, but it all feels so fake to me. I'm paranoid," I look her in the eye, so she can see I'm being completely honest with her. She wraps her arms around me tightly, and I can't do anything except let go of myself. My tears stream down my face steadily even though I try to gulp them away. Kelsi pulls back for a second and studies my face, a worried expression on what I can see of her, my tears distorting my vision. Neither of us says a word as she holds me close again. I breathe in the scent of her perfume, which, in a way, soothes me, as it does to feel her securely holding me in her arms, despite my body trembling uncontrollably. I don't trust myself to say or do anything except put my arms around her waist. I lean my head on her shoulder; she returns this gesture by resting her head on mine, and one of her hands rubs my back gently. To let me know she's here for me, and everything will be okay because I have her to support me. Talking to me without using words.

"Kelsi," I finally breathe her name when my tears have slowed down, almost cautious of being the first one to break the silence.

"Yeah?" she whispers back, looking straight at me, leaning back slightly to get a full view of me.

"I think I should get to my class," I look at the clock. "Yeah, I'm going to get a detention." I laugh slightly, picking up my bag. I stand up and begin walking begin walking through the aisle toward the door.

"Don't go."

"What?"

"Don't go. Stay here, with me," Kelsi speaks up, and I turn around to face her again. "I mean, you can help me with some of the songs for the musical. If you like? You've shown me your talent on the piano, and you can sing and dance, too."

"And get the rest of the week in detention? Why not? Okay, I'll help, but you don't really need it. You're brilliant," I grin properly for the first time, moving back over to her. I drop my schoolbag to the floor. It makes a soft thud when it touches the ground.

"What if Ms. Darbus – or anyone else, for that matter – comes in and finds me here? I shouldn't be here, and I have no idea if the others have bailed me out or _sold_ me out. I wouldn't be surprised if it was the latter, I mean, they have every right to do that. The way I yelled at them was –"

"Calm down," Kelsi smiles, interrupting me before my head explodes. "I asked if I could be left alone to work, no interruptions. I even got given a key, in case I want to continue working after school. I guess Ms. Darbus trusts me more than I thought she would."

"You're amazing!" I exclaim, and watch with amusement as she darts over to the door, quickly locking it. She looks so happy she's not alone anymore. I guess we have that loneliness in common.

"And now you're safe. And yes, I know I'm amazing," she jokes, a giggle escaping her lips, and she runs back to me – and the piano. "Ryan…Will you please tell me what's troubling you, though? I'm worried about you." She reverts to a serious state, her hand resting on my shoulder.

"I just…I don't feel a part of them lot anymore. When Sharpay became friends with Gabi, it was like my time was up. I got pushed out. It just really hurts, you know. They were my friends, especially Chad and Gabriella," I explain, finally giving in. "I feel like none of them want to know me, none of them care about me. It's kind of stupid, Kels, don't worry about it."

"_I_ care about you," Kelsi fires back quickly. So quickly, it almost sounds like a challenge. Before I can think of what to say, I feel my lips collide with hers. She runs a hand through my blond hair while I draw her closely to me, tenderly touching her cheek. The realisation suddenly hits me that me and Kelsi are kissing. I don't recall us being so close together for this to happen so unexpectedly, and I don't remember either one of us leaning in.  
She lets out a small sigh as we deepen the kiss. I don't want this moment between us to end because it feels so right and so magical.

We break apart from each other, neither one of us wanting to completely let go. Her hands are clasped around my neck, and I'm holding her tightly around her waist. I can feel her heart beating, and she leans her head on my chest for a few seconds. I close my eyes, picturing this scene, replaying it over and over. I can't think of how this occurred or who kissed who, but I know it was just wonderful.

"I suppose you're glad you locked the door now," I say cheekily, a grin spreading across my face. Kelsi laughs and playfully hits my arm.


	6. Chapter 6

Kelsi finishes the piece of music she's been working on and I applaud her as the notes die out, a smile on my face

Kelsi finishes the piece of music she's been working on and I applaud her as the notes die out, a smile on my face. She murmurs a 'thank you' before quickly scrawling down some side notes on her music sheet.

"I'm going to write up the neat copy later," she informs me, her brow furrowing slightly in concentration and the serious mood she's in right now. "Ry, you do realise this is all we've written so far?" I laugh – but it's not even funny. This is a serious matter.

"I'm a distraction, aren't I?" a growing smile tugs eagerly at my lips. "Whether I'm a _harmless_ distraction or not, well…" I trail off, with a wink. I bend slightly to deliver a gentle kiss to her lips as she turns on the stool to face me.

"So, um, does this -?"

"Yes," I pick up on what she is trying to say. "I mean, if that's –"

"It is," she reaches up to softly stroke my cheek. I hold her hand in mine, lacing our fingers together. It feels like time has stopped, but I don't care at all.

"How much is Darbus expecting you to write in one day? You're not some kind of music machine, you know…I hope."

"As much as possi – Hey! I don't think Ms Darbus is 100 on what production we're doing. So, I'm thinking that we could use that tune you were playing when I came in. We could change it around a little bit, to suit the musical, wherever it will fit into the show! What do you think?"

"Genius idea, Kels, but I…don't know what I was playing. I was sort of occupied. Kind of why I dodged your compliment and question about it. I'm really sorry, hon," I can't help it but I flinch, just for a split second. Not even that, I'm sure. Kelsi doesn't threaten me in any way, but I guess I've gotten used to flinching, expecting some huge argument. There have only ever been two females in my life I've come up against – my mom, which is no problem, and Sharpay. Usually Sharpay. It makes sense now that whenever I think I've annoyed a girl or something, I can expect a piercing shriek in my ears, coupled with the day's selection of insults.

"Sorry," I repeat, this time referring to the way I drew back like that.

"Let me guess, Sharpay," Kelsi sighs and I nod, slowly, wondering what I'm doing. Wondering what is making me pour everything out to Kelsi. "Has she ever, you know, hit you?" I open and close my mouth a few times, trying to figure out what to say. My silence gives it away.

"I know, I'm weak," I sigh, turning away. "It's not like it's all the time, though. Sometimes…Sometimes I guess I just make her mad."

"Oh my God, Ryan. I don't think you're weak, at all," she gets up onto her feet, coming over to stand in front of me. "For what it's worth, I think more of you for being honest about it." I sigh, looking at the floor. I can't bear to look at Kelsi; she's so amazing to me, it hurts.

"I'm sorry. I'm just a case study of problems."

"No! No, you are not! You have things going on, sure don't we all, but it does not make you one huge problem. Don't ever think that."

"It does to everybody else!" I scream, my face flushing red with...anger, is it? "Tell me, what is it you see in me, Kels?"

"You know I think you're wonderful. You're the most genuine guy I've ever met. You're honest, kind, gentle, and caring. I like you because you're you," tears sparkle in her eyes and I feel sick, with an ache in my heart.

"I'm sorry. I'm going to get some lunch. I'll just tell a teacher I came in here at the end of my class before lunch. Whatever it is. I'll say I'm feeling better or-"

"Will you have lunch with _me_? I mean, we are…aren't we?"

"Yeah. Yeah. If I haven't scared you off."

"I'm not letting you escape that easily," she laughs softly and takes my hand.

_'She really is incredible,'_ I think to myself breathlessly.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I'd like to say a huge thanks to autumnamberleaves & Njjules for the lovely reviews I've received for this fic, it means a lot. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing, and I'm glad that you're enjoying this fic, I can only hope you're enjoying reading it as much as I'm enjoying writing it..Not that I enjoy being harsh to the lovely Ryan Evans, cos I don't!  
-KJ**

Kelsi and I scour the cafeteria for any free seats. Sharpay's sitting at her usual table that overlooks the room, with her plastic wannabes she calls friends. Chad spots me standing in the middle of the canteen looking slightly vacant, and calls us over. I shoot a hesitant glance at Kelsi, and she gives a small inclination of her head. She thinks I can do this, find my place in school society. Where does it leave Kelsi, though? I mean, she's used to being in the auditorium or wherever, writing songs, helping Ms Darbus with productions and stuff. Things are going to change – I can't see Kelsi in drama club, and drama club only.

An ear-splitting scream breaks into my thoughts and I almost drop my lunch tray on the floor. Kelsi jumps too, and we both no whose voice that was. Sharpay's heels click as she runs down the steps, her 'Sharpettes' tagging along behind her. My grip on Kelsi's hand and I give her a small nod and smile to try and make her feel better. I quickly put my tray on the table closest to us – I never know how long Sharpay's rants are going to last. Especially now she has an audience, and a large one at that. Kelsi follows suit. Sharpay isn't even close to starting, and already I can feel sets of eyes on me. This is nothing new to anybody, but still, it gives them all something to talk about it, doesn't it?

"Don't tell me that's what I think it is!" she finally reaches us and points to our entwined hands. "Oh my God. Oh…My God! _Why_?!" she continues, barely even acknowledging Kelsi's presence. I glance at Kelsi, who's trying her best to hide how hurt she feels. I can feel her hand quivering in mine. I place my other hand over hers, protectively.

"It is," Sharpay scoffs. "Ryan and Kelsi? Kelsi Neilsen?" I notice how she doesn't use my last name – our last name. _'Conveniently forgetting we're twins?'_, I ask myself. My eyes travel past Sharpay and to the table where Chad had called us over. The whole group is staring at us. Can't say I expected less. If I'm not mistaken, I can see the beginnings of a smirk twitching at the lips of a couple of them. I turn to look at Kelsi again; she's trying to maintain a defiant glare toward my sister. She doesn't even feel like a sister to me. I would never do anything like this to her, not even to become the most popular person at East High.

"Got a problem?" I retaliate without realising, my eyes widening in shock as I realise that I've spoken back to Sharpay. Nobody in school talks back to her. What Sharpay says, goes.

"You bet I do. You could do so much better than _her_, Ryan, and you know it. I mean, have you looked at her lately?" I gasp, but I keep looking at Sharpay coldly.

"Looks don't matter. Don't be so superficial. Kelsi is worth ten of you," I narrow my eyes at her, ignoring the jeers and chants of our classmates.

"That's what all the ugly people say," Sharpay responds simply, with a steel edge to her voice. "I don't have time for these people. I have to go perfect my audition – Oh wait, it already _is_ perfect. Hmm, I meant practice." She begins to walk away, but bumps into Kelsi. "Move out of my way, _Kelsi_." I release my hands from Kelsi's, curling them into fists. I have no intention of hitting Sharpay but I have no idea how to control my anger. Kelsi touches my shoulder gently, trying to persuade me to leave everything as it is, but I don't want to. I want to show Sharpay – hey, show everyone else – that I'm not somebody that can just be pushed around. I've had enough, I really have.


	8. Chapter 8

"Ryan, drop it," Kelsi whispers in my ear. "Just leave it." She doesn't want to create a scene, and she isn't used to all of the stares that I've become accustomed to receiving.

"No!" I hiss back. "I don't want to live with _that_ anymore. I'm the one who has to put up with this day in, day out, and I don't think I can do that anymore. If it makes you feel better, go and sit with Chad, and them lot, yeah?" Kelsi sighs, and crosses the room to sit with Gabriella. Her touch lingers on me as she leaves me to face Sharpay alone.

"That was considerate of you, Ryan, taking away the eyesore," Sharpay smirks, firing a glare at Kelsi for a brief moment. Her brown eyes connect with my eyes, and neither of us want to be the first to look away, although I - along with everybody else - know that it's going to be me. I can tell that nobody in this room is watching as such, they're just there gaping at us. It feels like being in a zoo or something.

"She is worth at least ten of you," I say quietly, trying to stay calm, and trying not to let things fire up. Pretty stupid really, because that's Sharpay's job. She can't go a day without drama.

"Hmm, let's see about that. Who's president of the drama club? Not Kelsi. Who is the most popular, and fabulous person in this dump? Again, not her. Who could take their pick of the entire school? What a shock! Not Kelsi! Face it, Ryan, you just want to make me look bad."

"_I_ want to make _you_ look bad? I'm not the one completely cutting myself off from my own twin! True, I feel like I'd rather be somebody else, but you've made me that way, Sharpay. I used to be proud of you. It's hard to believe, but it's true. Right down from when we were kids, I was so proud and happy to be your twin brother. But now? I'd rather be nowhere near you," I turn and run out of the cafeteria, tears blurring my vision. I can still feel the stares of my classmates burning into me, and Sharpay's biting comments. She'll never be satisfied with me, and I probably do make her look bad. It's not like I want to, though. I just want to be her brother. What is so wrong with that?

"Ryan! Ryan, stop," I try to pretend I can't hear people trying to make me talk to them, but I answer them anyway.

"Piss off, Chad, Troy, whoever you are. I really don't care," I sigh, picking up the pace slightly. I don't want to face anybody right now. I don't want to speak about things. I don't even want to be me.

"Chad," he confirms who I just swore at. "Look, Ryan, will you hear us out?"

"I was never supposed to be your friend. You're on the basketball team, and I'm in the drama club."

"But Troy-"

"Forget Troy!" I snap. "I don't care. You might think you want to be my friend because of what just happened, but I know it's not what you want. You're always the one saying 'stick to the status quo'."

"Okay, well...Good luck with your audition tonight," Chad says in another attempt to start up a proper conversation, and I stop in my place, the realisation dawning on me. The auditions are tonight?!


	9. Chapter 9

I slip into the auditorium, pulling my striped flat cap down over my face a little, strangely thinking this will help me go unnoticed. Ms. Darbus immediately spots me, and calls me over with Sharpay, before clearing her throat to address the room.

"Everybody," she smiles. "This is our first meeting for this semester's musical. Thank you all for signing up. As some of you know, Sharpay and Ryan Evans are the co-presidents of the drama club, so they'll be having a say in the production. If you have any questions, go to them. Sharpay?" she smiles at my sister and I resist the urge to mimic her like a five-year-old.

"Some of you have heard rumours about what we're doing for the musical, and myself and Ms. Darbus have selected Disco Inferno, which makes for a change from what we've done before. What you need to remember is that this is set in the 1970's, which you will see from the portion of the script that is being distributed now," Sharpay speaks clearly and confidently to everybody in the room. "So, all we need to do now is to partner up, and read the part of the script. It's difficult to act when you're reading directly from the script, so this will help me - and Ryan - to see who has the best potential for the lead parts. You can choose your own partners, but it must be a girl with a boy. So, let's start. I pick Troy to partner up with me." Sharpay grins smugly, and turns to her left. "Fabienne, who are you choosing to work with this time? We'll be changing partners a bit later, too, just to see who has chemistry."

"Fab," the girl next to Sharpay corrects her before scanning the room. "Him." She points toward a blond-haired boy sitting with his friends, cut off from the rest of the group. Sharpay notes it down, and looks expectantly at the next girl...Sophie, I believe her name is.

"Ryan," she says almost instantly, and my eyes widen at her. Why would she pick me? I'm almost always the last person to be picked for anything. If I hadn't been picked, I would have been the last to pick. So usually, I'm just the cast-off, or I'm stuck with somebody else that nobody wants to work with.

"Thanks," I blush slightly, purely because I was not expecting to be picked.

The rest of the group take their picks, and read aloud on the stage, the scene that Sharpay chose. I'll admit, some people are great, and some are just...awful. There's this one boy, Dan, and he can't act with the script in his hand. I don't mean to be rude but he sounds like he's forcing every word out. I can see that he desperately wants to be a part of this production. Maybe it's nerves that's stopping him, I don't know.  
And of course, Sharpay is delivering all of her lines perfectly, putting in just the right amount of emotion. Troy's not that bad, either. They make my audition look awful. Well, my side of it. Sophie's a brilliant actress. I'll definitely put in a good word for her. She didn't even seem nervous about acting in front of a bunch of people she's probably never spoken to before. Sharpay saunters onto the stage once more.

"It's time to change partners now, so all of you can have a chance to feel a natural chemistry with the person you're acting alongside of. It's important, so think carefully about who you choose. Troy, why don't you pick first?" she shows off a sickly sweet smile, even though she knows full well that Troy will choose his girlfriend, Gabriella. She smiles and wraps her arms around him after hearing her name called out by him. Her last partner wasn't that brilliant. He's a good actor, but he thinks he's a lot better than he really is, and if anything goes wrong, it's never his fault. I hope he gets paired with Sharpay - they'd get on well.

Tom, the blond guy Fab worked with, chooses next, and after eyeing up all the girls, and having a conference with his mates about it, he chooses Sophie, who seems quite pleased about his selection. Who knows, maybe she likes guys with blond hair? I smile to myself, trying not to laugh.

"Ryan!" Sharpay snaps, watching me holding in my laughter. "Pay attention! Who just chose you? God knows why." She mutters under her breath, and I look around the room vaguely, trying to pick up any clues that could lead me to the answer.

"Her?" I flail my arm in any direction, not actually seeing who I'm supposedly pointing at. Sharpay rolls her eyes to the heavens.

"No," she says curtly, not even looking up from her list. "The new girl picked you."

"New girl?"


	10. Chapter 10

I look over to who Sharpay is talking about, and take in her appearance. She has long, dark hair, with a red streak dyed in near her fringe. She has deep brown eyes, and she has a confident, cool air about her. Not overly confident like Sharpay, but confident enough to get through high school without being bothered too much.

"Sorry if you thought I was being rude just now," I walk over to this new girl who has chosen to pair up with me. "My mind was elsewhere...Although you probably already know that by now, and think I'm the biggest dork ever. It wouldn't really surprise me if you did - I mean, everyone else already thinks I'm this huge dork. I'm rambling on now, aren't I? Sorry about that, I just tend to do it sometimes. I don't mean to, it just -"

"It's fine," she laughs good-naturedly, and I smile somewhat awkwardly. She must be new because I don't recognise her face at all, and she looks about my age. I haven't seen her in any of my classes, or Sharpay's classes either.

"So, you're new, huh?" I try starting again, and she continues with this line of conversation.

"Yeah, I started a couple of days ago, and thought drama club sounded pretty cool, so I signed up, and here I am!" she extends her hand for me to shake. "I'm Nadine Roberts." I take her hand and shake it gently despite my slightly firm grip.

"Ryan Evans," I state the obvious, apparently forgetting Ms. Darbus' introduction of us just minutes ago. "Is there any particular part you're trying out for?"

"Not really," she thinks about my question briefly before answering. "It'd be kinda cool to get a part in a musical a few days after starting, so I'm not really fussed! I hope I'm good enough. Your sister's pretty great at acting...She looks like she has high standards."

"Believe me, she does," I confirm, nodding sagely. "And I bet you get a part. I saw your audition with that other dude earlier, it was brilliant. If you got the part of Jane, that would just be awesome..." I trail off, knowing that Nadine doesn't really have a hope in getting the role of Jane. It's going to be between Sharpay and Gabriella, and I can hazard a guess as to who will come out on top.

"Isn't Sharpay picking a lot of the parts?" Nadine figures out what I'm thinking about, and I nod. "Surely you get a say, being co-president?"

"You'd think so," I mutter, practically burying my face in my script as a red tinge creeps onto my face. "Right, so shall we run through this scene?" I swear everyone's fed up of running through this, but I just don't want to talk about myself and Sharpay to some stranger. That's what she is, a stranger. I've never spoken to her before, in my life.

"For God's sake, why can't you see where I'm coming from?! It's not about the bloody Devil! Read the script!" I hear somebody from the other end of the room shout at the top of their voice. I put my script down and roll my eyes before looking over to see who it is. She picks up on the sudden silence surrounding her, and looks around in confusion.

"Okay, seeing as you want to be the centre of attention, why don't you go first?" Sharpay huffs. Obviously her partner this time isn't who she had hoped for. I bite my lip, trying not to look too content that Dan picked Sharpay almost straight away, evidently taking a liking to her. I'm not surprised. Sharpay always did have a million and one admirers, including the odd brainless one.

Sophie and Tom take to the stage, with faces like thunder. I look on, confused as to why they can be in such a bad mood with each other. They had both hit it off well with their previous partners. Still, I guess that's showbiz.

"Before we start, I'd just like to say that we both have different views on how this scene should be acted out, so if it looks wrong...Blame _him_!" Sophie points at Tom on the other side of the stage, almost throwing the script at him altogether. Sharpay motions for them to get on with it, and they take their positions. They're both good at acting, it's such a shame that they can't get along.

When they've finished, Sharpay storms onto the stage. She picked up on the tension between both Tom and Sophie onstage, and of course, she's angry that everything is not so perfect.

"Okay," she clears her throat almost nervously. "There's an example of chemistry onstage. I'm not quite sure it was the type I'm looking for, but still, it's better than nothing. Who's next?"


	11. Chapter 11

**You asked so you received! :D Here's some more DTP for youse.  
And thanks for the reviewage, it makes me smile muchly. feeds cookies**

I'm so glad when all the auditions are over; it means I'm that much closer to just going home and sleeping. Of course, I have to stay here and discuss with Sharpay and Darbus how the auditions went, and who should get what part.

"Well, I'm not sure if any of the girls who auditioned showed the potential and commitment to play the female lead, Jane," Sharpay smirks, going through the list of people who showed up to audition today. "Same with the guys. Troy's good though." I want to ask about me, and how my auditions went, but I'd just be shot down in flames.

"Ryan, what do you think?" Ms. Darbus turns to me, and I shrug my shoulders. "How does Troy and Sharpay sound?"

"How about Gabriella? Sharpay was banging on about chemistry, and well, Troy and Gabriella _are_ together," I hint, not-so-subtly.

"See, my concern there is that they might not be able to put the right emotion into all of the negative scenes with Jack and Jane. Troy and Gabriella haven't really experienced those kinds of moments, so it might be awkward for each other and their relationship," Sharpay answers. Damn it! I should have known that she would have a well-rehearsed answer for that. Ms. Darbus gets up from her seat.

"That's a good point. I have to get on, actually. I have a lot of coursework to mark. Kelsi, could you give Sharpay and Ryan the key to this room, please? I trust you'll be responsible enough with it to leave here when you've finished discussing the casting. I'll be here tomorrow at lunch to hear your decisions," Darbus leaves the auditorium, and Kelsi places the key on the desk I'm sitting at.

"I have to go home, too. I'll call you later, Ryan," she timidly gives me a peck on the cheek before leaving. "Could you give the key back to me as soon as possible? I kind of need it."

"Sure," I grin, walking over to her just before she gets to the door, and wrap my arms around her tightly. Not too tight, of course, I want her to retain the ability to breathe! "Don't worry about Shar." I whisper in her ear, and cup her chin with my hand, directing her lips toward mine. Sharpay 'clears her throat' and 'coughs' a few times, but we ignore her, smiling through our kisses.

"Go on, go home, I'll speak to you later," I breathe after a while, watching her depart.

"Now you've finished slobbering all over her, what do you think of my ideas for the cast?" Sharpay passes me a list she's quickly scribbled down while I've been distracted.

"Jane - Sharpay. Jack - Troy...No surprise there," I mumble, reading the list aloud to myself. "You've made a mistake. You whined about Sophie and Tom, yet you've put them alongside each other."

"Well, I thought about it again. Any kind of chemistry is better than none -"

"I don't know what planet you're on, but they're always at each other's throats."

"Listen. If they know they have to act together, they'll be able to talk out their differences. Sophie said it was because they perceived things differently in the script, which in a way, is good. If they listen to each other, they can compromise. Plus, if you read the scenes with Tom and Maggie, you can see that their relationship isn't exactly a walk in the park. When I thought of Tom and Maggie, I thought of Tom and Sophie. I'm trying to make a good show here."

"Fair enough...But where's my part in this?" I finish scanning the list for the hundredth time. No sign of my name at all.

"I thought about that, too. You have to think about who's suited to each part, Ryan. Which is why I gave you a different role altogether." I barely respond, giving Sharpay a fixed look. The kind that could either be interpreted as indifferent or pissed off. I guess it's a mixture, really. "I decided to make you director!...Well, it was either that or Lily."

"Yes, because being called a poof by everyone isn't nearly enough! I have to _play_ one, too!" I fire back. "I get no say in this, do I? It's either have pretty much no part in this, or have a few lines, and be a queer?" I walk out of the auditorium, slamming the door behind me. I walk through the corridors, and out of East High, having had enough of Sharpay for one day.


	12. Chapter 12

I'm doing what appears to be routine now - sitting on my bed with my head in my hands, blaring out music. I know it's only been for the past couple of days, but it feels like I've been doing that every day, for so long. I'm not even listening to my favourite songs anymore, because I feel so apathetic about most things. I just can't believe that yet again Sharpay has taken total control of something we were supposed to do together. I thought that after I'd tried to give as good as I'd got in the cafeteria, things would change with us. But no, I couldn't be anymore wrong, could I?

My computer beeps and I slowly step over to it, wondering who it is. My attitude changes when I notice it's Kelsi IM-ing me. Oops. I should have expected that rather than assuming it was going to be somebody hassling me. Kelsi doesn't deserve to be treated the way I treat everybody else. I just automatically figure that I'm going to receive some more verbal abuse, and I lump her into that category without even realising it. I'm so unfair to her, even though I feel so different when I'm around her. Being with Kelsi is both the best and worst part of my day; I feel so great when I'm around her, but then I'm always scared of messing things up. Truthfully, I don't know how to act with her. I can only guess that I'm doing it right, and being a good boyfriend.

_Kelsi N says:_  
Hey Ry, how u doing?

_Everybody loves a good jazz square! says:_  
Hi Kels, I'm ok, u?

_Kelsi N says:_  
Good. :) I'm ok. How did it go with Shar?

_Everybody loves a good jazz square! says:_  
urgh

_Everybody loves a good jazz square! says:_  
I either have 2 play a gay or not b in it at all. She reckons she can make me director 2 keep me sweet.

_Kelsi N says:_  
Not good :(

_Kelsi N says:_  
:O Shar doesn't c her mistake there!!

_Everybody loves a good jazz square! says:_  
Ty! least some1 can c it my way!

_Kelsi N says:_  
No, Ryan, it means u will b in charge of Shar if u direct it!! U can get her back!!

_Everybody loves a good jazz square! says:_  
I've said it b4 n I'll say it again, Kelsi u r the best!

_Kelsi N says:_  
haha ty! I gtg now so cya 2moz! luv u x x x x x

_Everybody loves a good jazz square! says:_  
kk cya then

I switch my computer off at the wall with a small yelp. Kelsi said "love you"...well, in text speak. The point still stands. Kelsi said "love you." I know we've only been...you know...for a couple of days. This is all new to me, I've never really had a girlfriend before. Kindergarten doesn't count...Not that I had a girlfriend there, but you know what I mean. Maybe she's just liked me for a long time. That makes me feel arrogant. Maybe she's trying to be nice. Or maybe she's just trying to freak me out! I don't know...I'll never understand girls, I don't think.


	13. Chapter 13

**A big thanks to Darcehole for the reviews, they make me smile muchly. feeds cookies :) I apologise I was like a day slower (xD) with these, but I had the dreaded h-word from college. Yup, homework. I'll update whenever I can and try to get on here. And if I'm not, just blame the lecturers and trains! :D  
Love, KJ x**

I wake up, yawning widely, stretching my arms above my head. My thoughts immediately redirect to my conversation with Kelsi last night. A part of me is desperate for it to have been a dream, and for it not to be real. I sound like such a jerk...In a way, it felt nice when Kelsi said...that. But it scares me. I've never really had a relationship before now. Not even in kindergarten. No prizes for guessing where people got the rumour that I'm gay, from. And it's not like I can go to Sharpay for advice on this Kelsi thing - she's had more boyfriends than hot dinners! Sadly, I doubt I just made an exaggeration there. Love has never been a question for Sharpay, because she doesn't normally keep the same boyfriend for more than a week or two.

"Ryan! Get up or you'll be late!" Sharpay bangs on my door and I mumble in reply. Your typical morning greeting, I guess. Well, mine. Hastily I throw on some clothes and comb my hair. Not that it matters, I never leave without a hat on. I look in my full-length mirror, gazing at my reflection. I remember when me and Sharpay would constantly battle it out for the mirror, and I would love my reflection, especially if I were performing in a play. It sounds arrogant, but I used to take pride in my appearance. Now I just don't care if everything matches perfectly, if my hat is at the perfect angle. I'm not perfect. My hair is out of place, tousled, and my shirt is faintly showing the odd crease. I'm still wearing my usual variety of colours, but pink is totally eliminated from my outfit. It just makes me think of Sharpay and how she consistently hurts, ridicules and humiliates me.

I run down our staircase, almost forgetting the corner halfway down. Sharpay is standing at the bottom, hands on hips, typical steely glare. I sigh softly, walking straight past her. I don't want an argument, I hate arguing with her, so much. She's my sister. It might not feel like it but that doesn't change anything.

"Thanks a lot, Ryan!" she snaps sarcastically at the back of my head. "Leaving me while I had to try and sort out the casting, all by myself!" I turn around, my frustration evident on my face.

"You already decided the cast list," I tell her matter-of-factly.

"Because you were too busy sucking Kelsi's face off. It's disgusting, Ryan. You need to set your priorties straight here."

"Put a sock in it, Shar. I'm going to school. I don't need this," I pick up my school things and dodge past Sharpay, to the door. I just want to get away from the whole topic of Kelsi, which is the wrong thing to do, I know, but I can't think of what to do. Should I talk to Kelsi about it? Or should I just continue to bury my head in the sand about the whole subject? The latter sounds more appealing, but Kelsi will be hurt if she can say...the three little words, and I can't. I don't know what I'm feeling right now. I can't differentiate between a schoolboy crush, and true love, to be honest. I'm pathetic - the most I know about love is from being in the drama club.

I walk through the main entrance of East High, making a beeline for my locker. I ignore any glances thrown at me, and keep my eyes fixed on my locker. My cheeks flame red and I can feel them burning up. Why must everything feel like such a challenge? My eyes lower to the tiled corridor as my face turns even redder, if it's possible. I just want to open my locker and shove my head inside it for the whole time at school.

I snap out of my thoughts and urges to try hiding in my locker when I feel an arm around my waist. I smile broadly but my eyes widen a touch in the shock and the understanding of some of the thoughts in my nutty head. I don't want to be around Kelsi, until I figure out what I'm wondering about us and how I actually feel. It's impossible though, I'm cornered.

"Hey you," I drape my arm over her shoulders and she snuggles in to me. "How you doing?"

"A lot better now," she grins. "Have you told Sharpay yet about accepting the director job?"

"Nope. She probably reckons I'm still thinking about it. Have you told Darbus about me helping you out in the auditorium the other day, and that? I mean, the lower the risk of getting a detention, the happier I am."

"On my way to. I thought it might be more convincing if you came to back me up."

"Cool...Sounds good. I don't think we should act all...lovey-dovey in front of her. She might get the wrong idea," I think quickly, impressed with myself. Kelsi nods and smiles, accepting my 'reasoning'. "Okay. Let's go talk to her then." I walk toward the staff room, but Kelsi tugs on my hand, pulling me back toward her. She plants her lips on mine, and I bend slightly to reciprocate the kiss. A few people whistle at us, but I don't care. I barely notice. I'm too busy trying to ignore the alarm bells ringing in my head. This is making me feel even more confused. I enjoy being with Kelsi, and I enjoy kissing her and all, but I can't stop thinking about when we IM'ed each other last night. This is so stupid; it's not even funny.

"Now we're good to go," she laughs when we pull apart. I study her face for a few seconds, careful to look away before it gets weird. She looks so happy, truly happy, I mean. I know she's not acting, and she's genuinely into me. I'm into her, but I can't organise all of the thoughts in my mind, and it's threatening to spoil everything between us.

"Sweet," I murmur, putting my arm around her shoulders again. She slips an arm around my waist as before, squeezing me gently. I knock on the staff room door, quickly detangling myself from Kelsi. Ms Darbus opens the door, with a polite but friendly smile.

"Ryan, Kelsi. What can I do for you?" she asks us brightly. I must say, Darbus is the teacher I get on with most, if I had to choose. I guess I'm just more used to her, since I have her for homeroom, and I'm in the drama club. I look expectantly at Kelsi, not really knowing what to say. I guess I'm relying on her to have the argument in the bag.

"Well, I was wondering if Ryan could help me out in the auditorium? Sharpay's pretty much decided on the songs and everything, and I figured, Ryan could get the choreography down quite quickly. I hope it's not a problem. You've seen Ryan's report card, and he's not failing any classes. Sharpay could give him any homework from classes so he won't miss out," Kelsi babbles, making her sentences sound merged together.

"That should be fine. I'll have a word with his teachers to finalise it, but it shouldn't be a problem at all," we both grin simultaneously. "That reminds me, do you have the key?"

"I got it," I produce the key from my pocket.

"Good, good," Darbus nods. "I shan't keep you both from the musical." I thank her, flashing a grin, trying not to laugh from how relieved and happy I feel.

"You just saved my life," I turn to Kelsi, wrapping my arms around her, softly kissing her cheek. A confused look flitters on her face but she nestles into me, her head resting against my chest.


	14. Chapter 14

I watch Kelsi as she effortlessly and smoothly glides through one of the songs that Sharpay has selected from the musical. I beam at her when she finishes it, and she gratefully returns the smile. I pull up a stool beside her seat at the piano. I touch a few keys silently, just feeling the smoothness of the plastic underneath my fingertips.

"You okay?" Kelsi asks me, looking at me cautiously. I nod, and then quickly shrug.

"Can I talk to you for a sec?" I close the lid of the piano. I don't want any distractions - I want to say my point, and get it over and done with. This obviously freaks out Kelsi because she looks kind of scared. "It's kind of about yesterday..." I trail off, barely looking her in the eye. I'll admit, I'm scared. I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings here but I know I have to say this.

"Our conversation last night?" she guesses, with a small laugh and I nod. "Look, Ryan -"

"To be honest, I kind of freaked out," I admit to her. "It's why I didn't say anything back. Look, don't laugh, but you're my first girlfriend."

"Why would I laugh? That's cute!"

"No, I'm not _cute_. What I'm trying to say is, I don't want to say it back because I don't know what it means, really. I don't want to offend you or hurt you, I just want to be honest with you. That's all I'm trying to say, really. And I don't things to be weird between us because you said...you know."

"It's okay. I don't really know why I said it, now I think about it. I thought...I thought it would be what you wanted to hear," Kelsi replies shyly, and before I can stop myself, I clam up, almost turning my back on her. She tries to put her arms around me but I leap to my feet straight away, and immediately kick myself for it.

"What are you so scared of, Ryan?" she sighs impatiently, and I turn to face her. "Are you scared I'm going to hurt you, is that it?"

"No," I look her in the eye. "I'm scared I'm going to hurt _you_." Kelsi tilts her head to the side, trying to think of what to say next. Neither of us know.

"What do you mean?"

"I have stuff going on, and I don't want to take it all out on you, you know?" I reply. "Look, I'm gonna go for a bit. I just want some space to myself for a while, is that okay?" Kelsi nods dumbly, and I give a weak smile before I leave the auditorium, feeling none the wiser. I stand in the hallway for a moment, not really knowing what to do, where to go. Recess isn't for another few minutes, I realise, after looking up at the clock on the wall. I decide to sit outside the front door to the school.  
_'Okay, Ryan, Kelsi doesn't love you...Good,'_ I think to myself, looking up at the white clouds in the cornflower blue sky. _'That's one less thing to worry about, I guess. I just wish I didn't have all this crap going on. Why can't I have a normal relationship? Why can't I have a normal family? Why can't I just be a normal kid?'_ I frown at myself, and at the thoughts rapidly coming into my head. I don't want to think this way, and it makes it feel like everything is my own fault. I suppose maybe I have brought things on myself, like always allowing Sharpay to push me around when we were younger.

The bell rings for recess and I immediately try perking up, because I know the door will burst open any moment. I listen to the collection of chatter coming from inside, trying to match voices to faces. In a way I miss not being in class, for the after-class talk and banter, but I just do not want to be around anybody. If people see me while I'm feeling down like this, they won't want to hang around with me if I was the last person on earth. I hate having to pretend I'm okay, but I don't have a choice. If I want so badly to be accepted again, I have to be just like them.  
My stomach growls at me, and I quickly place my arms around it to try and muffle the sound. I want so badly to go to the cafeteria, but everybody will be there. Sharpay will be there, and I really don't want yet another confrontation with her. Especially with everyone watching...like the other day. I can't escape my other classmates, no matter how desperately I want to. Why do I even bother coming to school still? I don't even know, myself. Probably to spend time with Kelsi, but no, I just had to freak out about that, didn't I?

I grunt in anger, thumping a wall next to me. It doesn't really help me vent my frustration, it just makes my knuckles bleed slightly. I blow on my hand, not that it helps relieve any pain.

"You okay?" a girl asks and I turn round, blushing in the embarrassment that somebody saw me making a total idiot of myself.

"Yeah, fine," I reply shortly, about to turn away. "Nadine! Hi. Sorry, I...I didn't see it was you at first. Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." I smile politely, thinking about when I auditioned with her. It went perfectly, she seems to be a natural in theatre.

"Cool. You're alone," she observes, looking somewhat concerned. "Mind if I join you? I don't think I've made proper friends with people yet...Not enough to hang around with them outside of classes, anyway."

"Not at all," I shrug. "Your hair's different." I point out in an almost child-like manner. Yesterday, Nadine had had a red streak dyed in her hair, at the front. Today it's purple. I could have sworn it wasn't purple yesterday. My face crinkles up, showing my perplexity.

"I'm easily bored," she laughs. "I don't want to sound pushy, but have you and Sharpay made decisions on the cast?"

"No worries. _Shar_ has decided the cast, I saw her list before I went home. I'm not sure if it's the final copy, but I think you did good. To Sharpay. Not that I don't think you're good, because I think you're great. At acting. I'll stop talking, you speak now."

"So, I might have a good part? Awesome! Thank you!" Nadine gives me a quick hug. "How come you're by yourself anyway?"

"I just wanted a break, really. It's just stuff with me and Kelsi. Nothing major, I just wanted a bit of time. But then people were still in classes, so I just sat here. And then I hit the wall, and it hurt, and you saw."

"Kelsi...She's the girl who plays the piano, right?"

"Yes," I chuckle. "I'm sure everything'll be fine between us, though. We didn't argue. I guess I'm being a typical guy."

"I hope things work out for you. You're a nice guy, Ryan," Nadine smiles, touching my hand supportively. I turn to face her, and our eyes connect instantly. It feels like she can see straight into me, I don't have to say a single word to her. She can see what's going on with me. It scares me, but her facial expression makes me feel better. She seems unfazed by everything she could know about me, and she's still standing there next to me. For about the millionth time today, I'm at a complete loss for words.


	15. Chapter 15

I allow my gaze to linger into Nadine's deep green pools for a few moments longer. Eventually, I tear myself away, breaking the stare, the contact...The spell. I turn and dart back into the building, blocking out everything else going on around me. I duck into the gent's and lock myself in the stool nearest to me.

"Stupid," I say aloud to myself, in a hushed tone. "You stupid, stupid boy!" I add, my voice gradually rising, becoming a shout. Thank God there's no one else in here. I just can't really believe what happened out there, though.

"But it felt...okay?" I voice my thoughts, feeling sick from the guilt that comes with it, after I admit it to myself. It was more than okay. What does it mean, though? I know it was all really weird with Nadine, even though I _think_ I like the way that we both seem to be so familiar with each other. But we only met yesterday...I feel so lost and confused. And what would Kelsi say if she knew I'd hung around with Nadine?

"I hate this," I remark through my hands that are now covering my face. My cell phone beeps and I let out a groan, taking it out of my pocket.

_'where r u? uve bin ages :s xx"_, I read silently, immediately realising it's from Kelsi.

_'2 secs. i went 4 a walk,'_ I text back, quickly tapping the buttons, lying. I seem to be doing that a lot lately. I can't help it, though. Every time I tell a lie, it tears me up inside, but I don't know what else I can do. It's not like I can just go and say, 'Hi Kels, you know when I went out and said I needed some fresh air? Well, I saw Nadine, and things got pretty intense between us'. I might not know that much about girls and relationships, but I do know that I would be totally dead if I said that! Which is kind of hard to imagine because Kelsi is so sweet and caring.

"I hate myself," I unlock my stall and kick the cheap door open, for once, having next to no respect for the school and its property. _'What is wrong with me?!'_, I demand inwardly, angrily opening the main door, rampaging down the hallway, and back toward the auditorium. I slap a few lockers on my way to calm myself down. I don't want to give Kelsi any clues that something is up.

"Hey!" I embrace Kelsi when I get into the auditorium, tenderly kissing her soft cheek. I hold her close to me, even lifting her off the ground a little. When I release her after some time, she blushes bright red, toying with her hair.

"Erm...R-Ryan, what was...that for?" she stammers, her gaze alternating from me, to the floor, and back to me again.

"Do I have to have a reason?" I laugh. "I kind of felt bad for you getting dragged into all of this Sharpay business, too." Well, at least it's kind of true, not an out-and-out lie...for once.

"It's okay," she insists, a smile twitching at the corners of her full lips. "Although...I did enjoy that." She brings her lips to mine again, and holds onto me once more. Nadine escapes my mind, and it reassures me. It will be okay; I don't know what I was worrying over, now.

"Hey," an idea strikes me when we break apart for air. "My folks are having a dance at the country club next Friday. How about you come with me?" I try not to sound so carefree and as if this is an everyday occurrence, even though it feels like it sometimes. I truly would love Kelsi to come, it would help me keep my mind on her, the play...what I need to stay focused on. And I don't want Mom to pick people to accompany me to one of their dances. There's never any kind of connection, and I don't know what to say to them. It feels so awkward and unnatural.

"Okay..." she replies uncertainly. My eyes mist in confusion.

"What?"

"No, it's nothing. I just...I don't really know anything about your parents, your family, I mean. The dance, that kind of feels foreign to me. I don't quite know what to do, what to say to your parents if they speak to me, nothing."

"Okay. Well, Mom will speak to you, but as long as you're polite, she'll love you. Remember to laugh at my dad's jokes, and just stick with me, and it'll be fine," I list simply. "To be honest, I never really do much at these things. I don't even know the guests, most of the time!" I admit, with a chuckle. "Oh yeah, and ignore anything my mom or dad may say about me. Just go along with it at the time." Kelsi giggles to herself, and I can see she's trying to think about what my parents might say. I'll just have a word with Mom when I get home today. This is important. To me, anyway.

"I'm not really that great a dancer. Not like...Gabriella, or Sharpay, or anyone like that."

"Doesn't matter. I still want you to come. So...will you?"

"Yes. I'd love to."

"Great," I grin, gently playing with her locks of hair that fall around her shoulders. "Maybe we can shop together and get new outfits for it. We don't want to clash, now, do we?" I inwardly cringe at how much I sound like Sharpay there, and that I'm bragging about money. Kelsi doesn't seem to notice - if she does, she doesn't show it.

"That sounds great," she agrees, confirming it by placing a hand on the back of my neck, pulling me toward her, and giving me a peck on the lips.


End file.
